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This is my ex girlfriend’s TV and TV Stand. I am selling them, as she no longer lives in my house. She accidentally fell into bed with Steve the other week. Steve is not me.
The TV was used previous in her private “TV room”; one especially allocated so she could curl up and watch “Americas Got Essex Come Talent” privately.
Now, she doesn’t have any rooms allocated to her. This is because she now lives with Steve. Steve lives in a one-bedroom rental that smells of horse and bottom.
The TV, stand and remote come sold together as a neat package, very much like my girlfriend, her deception, halitosis and unsightly thumb wart.
The remote is an ingenious device that allows the television picture to come on but also off. You can choose either. This provided much pleasure for my gibbon of girlfriend who would marvel for hours switching it on and off claiming it was magic.
Woefully the TV does not have HDMI, which is, agreeably, a compromise by today’s standards I know; much like, oh, let’s say, living in a one-room-pigsty-slum-hovel-hog-parlour with a disastrous looking man.
The stand’s legs are aesthetically finished in chrome and thankfully do not make small children point, run away or vomit.
This 32-inch JVC classic is presented in grey, which is Steve’s favourite colour but it is also a colour reflecting the true joy I wish them both as they start their life together in their cosy mutant burrow.
There is an array of channels that the television can pick up such as One, Two, Three, Four and also additionally Five. Five is also the number of male friends my ex can pick up on Facebook; every ten minutes.
The TV also has an Aux channel, which is a complicated channel you can play games on such as Sonic. She thinks Sonic is real, and I once caught her in the garden at night calling him with a bowl of milk.
The buyer will collect the item in person from Swindon from a neutral address. This is because my current home is being forensically cleaned in an attempt to prevent the inhalation of warts via airborne pathogen.
Swindon incidentally is a town in England. Early colonists of Swindon in the 1800s were originally en route to live in Bristol because it’s cool but mid-way on the journey the horses got tired and refused to move any further than Junction 15 of the M4. The first shops followed in 1840 and now Swindon has proudly progressed into a modern, up and coming town; with both a Boots and a handy Halfords.
Hi there…I wonder if it has all the channels, remembering your watch had the numbers 3, 6 and nine missing, I am worried I can’t get babestation on and that is a documentary not to be missed….Do you have any pics of your ex girlfriend in the nakk for sale I wonder? You have cleaned the stand, I take it? Many thanks. 10-Aug-11
Hello eBay user and inquisitive human soul, Yes the items have been cleaned as per the description, and I can confirm that the TV does come with all mod-cons including the recently launched Channel 5. This is a commercial channel, which is free provided you can pick it up in your part of the country, it will be rolled out nationwide shortly. It plans to be a channel to rival ITV and Channel 4 and show very different programmes and high profile content. I am sure it will be an enormous success and broadcast many flagship shows we will remember for a lifetime. I have heard about the documentary you speak off, it speaks of these poor destitute women who were captured by evil forces and forced to have phones grafted to their hands. The evil forces also made them all have wobbly legs, hard hair and horrific pants and shoes. During their capture they were forced to unlearn any microphone technique and start and finish every sentence with “guys”. I really wanted to watch it again too, as last time I saw it they were looking for a cure for that ridiculous phone shaking tick they all have.
hello boogieandcookie ,, which is you ? , do you own the actual tv ? as , if i win it i don’t want to be picking the item up , and have to face your scabby ex bird and her new , aromatically challenged , bloke , and have to endure a custody battle in the street , wouldn’t want onlookers to think a riot was about to kick off ,, please advise ,,regards , steve
Yes Chemtech visited the property after she left, I commissioned a team of 11 who, wearing chemical cleaning suits, visited the property to clean all items she may have come into contact with, sadly only 10 left the property, but overall it was a success to put your mind at rest
“Riot” Topical indeed kind sir, thank you for your email. I do own the TV and it will be at a different location as stated in the above description. The previous owner only part owned the item as when it was purchased it was purchased by myself. According however to the holy scriptures when a man purchaseth an item for his woman, then she hath own that item and all other items previously owned by the man automatically by virtue. In this case however as the transgressor hath allow herself to be thrust upon by a third party several times this then normally voids the rule of ownership.
I was wondering whether you could confirm that this TV was in fact lawfully purchased by your ex girlfriend? I’ve been reading an awful lot in the news recently about people acquiring electrical goods for free in a number of cities, and I’m concerned that you may unwittingly be harbouring her evil deeds.
This is absolute poppycock of the highest order. Horses are not even allowed on the M4. They would have taken the A4 and would therefore (luckily) have missed Swindon completely and ended up in Chippenham. I hereby conclude that this TV is, therefore located in Chippenham. Good day
Hello dedicated eBay user and thank you for your kind observation. Whilst you make a reasonable point you are mistaken, but it is an easy mistake to make. Everyone knows that the M4 was actually created in 1453AD. It was ordered by Emperor Skodia Octavia as a settlement for his wife Julius O Maximus Bottimus. The legend tells of how Emperor Octovia and Julius were conducting a rather difficult divorce settlement where she had requested either ownership of all the Emperor’s Gold, and also the Black Sea for weekends, or as an alternative an enormous road; a feat that she cunningly knew the Romulans would not be able to achieve. But he was determined to keep his gold and out of spite he decided to build the road afterall, but, he made sure it traversed through the most evil and ugly provinces in the land. He also ordered his Romulans to ensure the road was without interest, curve or feature. She was devastated but had to accept the road as legal settlement. Nothing much in the scriptures about Chippendale though.
Sonic isn’t real??????
If i win this bid ,do i need a passport to travel to Swansea … I am in London ?
I am pleased to hear from someone who lives in the be all and end all city of London. How is that going for you? I bet you have been enjoying this weather, sunbathing on those vast expanses of grass you have there. Maybe taking a boat out on that calm and idyllic river you have, everyone is so friendly, I do envy you. It is actually in Swindon which is not Swansea, but let us not split hairs, its just another country with it’s own language. That said these two towns do share a similarity in that the residents can still get to work in London before you.
Hi never laughed so hard in my life anyhow i bidded an amount so you can go for a night out with some mates get hammered pull something else she sound like a moose
Tut tut, you have much to learn my good fellow. Women do not get “pulled” this notion disgusts them, they do on the other hand if it suits them allow you to “pull” them. There is a very big difference. A woman is able to know if she will allow “pulling” several months in advance. Within speaking to you for ten seconds the female mind is able to calculate your net worth and what date and exact time you will be allowed to perform your allocated intimacy with her. In this split second the woman also is able to calculate the “opportunity cost” of the above, or in other words, the cost to you for the opportunity of taking up her valuable time. For instance a postman or man with normal job has to spend a larger percentage of his annual salary on gifts, surprises, travel and subsistence and hotels, than a footballer for instance who can often procure intimacy for a packet of crisps and a Twix.
There is nothing wrong with the smell of horses, however I do prefer to keep the aroma in the stable with the horse. Or is it Steve who gives off the Eau d’ Cheval?
Thank you for your email. Being exact it is a cross fuse aroma between horse and bottom. It is hard to note the originating host as some people’s houses do smell but they do not. In this case though it might be him as when I shook his hand the aroma was left on my hand rather like when you stroke a smelly dog outside ASDA.
Hi Do I take it that a reconciliation is out of the question?
Brilliant!
Did you ever conceder bidding off her mobile number? That could get really annoying. Also advertising it in the local paper?
- wendy_tice59
Hello Wendy underscore tice59
Great idea although I did note her number was already in the local paper, she had a number of lineage advertisements which refereed to hand relief. Which I assumed had something to do with nails or relaxing tired hands.
Hi there!
I was wondering whether you could confirm that this TV was in fact lawfully purchased by your ex girlfriend? I’ve been reading an awful lot in the news recently about people acquiring electrical goods for free in a number of cities, and I’m concerned that you may unwittingly be harbouring her evil deeds.
Dear Username,
Thank you for your email username Lee-S-J. I have noted these articles too in the press, I also witnessed a youth trying to remove a TV from a city center bookmakers shop. I found this to be most disturbing to watch, as clearly a monitor like that would not have HDMI.
Relating to the purchase of her modern TV – I do recall how it was acquired quite vividly. We were at a famous out of town retail outlet, she pointed blankly among the 30 in store and said: “I like that one its a pretty colour, I might buy some nail varnish that colour, I like nail varnish do you? I also like the colour pink, do they have pink TVs? aw that’s rubbish, they should invent pink TVs can we have a puppy, whats an IPOD?” at that point I switched off my Cochlea ( one of the most important parts of the ear necessary for listening ) and paid for the item.